


Kiss

by Fearie



Series: Inktober 2019 [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Bad Sex, Boys Kissing, First Kiss, First Time, Inktober, Inktober 2019, Kissing, M/M, No Smut, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-09 09:21:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20851109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fearie/pseuds/Fearie
Summary: Donghyuck remembers all the times he had sexual encounters.Written for Inktober day one: Kiss





	Kiss

The thought was better than the actual thing itself. Just like when Donghyuck had thought a burger at McDonald's would taste just as great as it looked in the advertisement. But he had to learn the hard way that the actual thing was disgusting. Same went for kissing. 

It was always described as something beautiful, something where you would feel fireworks going off when the lips touched, or something that would feel like home, at the very least something comfortable. 

But it wasn't like this for Donghyuck. 

At first he had thought that it was just a one time thing. He and his first boyfriend were extremely inexperienced. If "first boyfriend" didn't say enough already, you could imagine that he had really no experience at all. Heck! Donghyuck didn't even hold someone's hand before. It were really the first experiences he had with anything related to sexuality. 

Maybe Donghyuck was different from the very start already. Making your first sexual experiences with seventeen when everyone around you was already many steps ahead. 

Some having boyfriends for years already, some having more breakups than fingers on their hands, some having kissed more people than they remember. It was really weird to sit next to these people, having to nod along, only knowing what you saw in TV or read in books. 

So when he met a guy that showed interest in him on his summer holiday vacation, he probably just saw the opportunity and took it. The opportunity of finding a boyfriend and gain some experience. And honestly, gaining experiences went quite fine, although it would have spared him a lot, had he just sticked with the two friends he found there. He had to learn the hard way again that everyone wasn't as nice, as they seemed. 

He had trusted him. Really trusted him although they knew each other barely over a week. He should have known better, nowadays he just blamed his nativity for everything that had happened. 

That the kisses didn't feel good should have probably been his first indication. Everything was a little too fast, it didn't feel right to Donghyuck, but he really didn't know anything, maybe it was actually supposed to be like this. Who would have known.

Disgusting, was his first thought after the kiss. Nothing mind blowing, was his second. How to discreetly swipe away this disgusting spit all around his mouth, was his third. He felt like he just survived a ride in the washing machine. Well at least he could be sure that his mouth was free from any dirt now, except spit of course. 

When he thought of it afterwards he was started to wonder how that even happened. Weren't first kisses supposed to be soft, sweet even? Why was it that not even a second after their lips met there was already a warm and wet muscle pressing inside his opened mouth just between his just slightly opened lips? Maybe he had emitted a wrong vibe? He had expected a soft press of lips, no tongue involved, why didn’t it turn out like that?

But he had shoved that into the back if his head, thinking it had been just a one time thing. That it would turn out better, the more they kissed.

It didn't, it only got worse. 

Second time they kissed and Donghyuck assumed that either his boyfriend or himself was a bad kisser, but that didn't stop both of them to go on from there. Till now Donghyuck could not say what made him do what he did. 

It was their last night before Donghyuck would go back home because it was the end of their vacation, but not the end of their relationship they believed, till then. None of them expecting the nasty break up they had to face.

They had watched a movie, while silence had set over his boyfriends flat, his parents had probably gone to bed around an hour earlier. It was their opportunity. Donghyuck didn't know who exactly had initiated it, maybe it was him for real, but he couldn't exactly remember. 

It wasn't that much later that he found himself on his back, his legs spread, while his boyfriend worked his fingers in and out of him, first one then two, till they deemed it as enough. Again he couldn't remember who of them decided when it was enough. 

It wasn't exactly hard to stay quiet, again it should have been a sign. He had let out occasional moans, but it was more like he decided to and not because he felt them. Honestly since the first finger had entered him, he wasn't really aroused anymore. But now it was too late to say anything, now he had to pull through, right? 

He breathed, he could do it, it would feel better, he was sure. 

Just the tip of his boyfriends dick had entered and he could already feel the pain. But that was just expected, it was his first time, everyone had said it would hurt, this was normal. 

When half of his boyfriends dick was in he started questioning. Sure it would hurt but that much? Was it really supposed to feel like that? How could anybody stay aroused when it hurt like shit? 

Yes his mind was clouded, yes he couldn’t focus on anything else, but this was already everything that this moment had in common with everything he had read, seen or heard.

The pain was just everywhere, he wanted to trash, hit his boyfriend, kick him away even, wouldn’t every movement just increase his pain. Instead he just started tightening the hold he had on his boyfriend's hand, that the former had offered in his endless consideration.

It was when his boyfriend was fully seated, that Donghyuck realized that his boyfriends hand was most probably crashed by now. It was a miracle no bones had snapped, really. 

It took him some time to get everything under control again, before the pain slowly ebbed away, before he could let go of his boyfriend's hand, before he tried to relax. He knew his boyfriend was getting impatient above him. He knew it, he could feel it, because he kept adjusting his weight on his arms just so often. He couldn’t see it though cause he kept his eyes firmly pressed shut, in an attempt to block everything out. He probably wasn’t ready, but this boy above him being so restless, made him impatient, so he gave him the sign to go on. But the moment without any pain didn't last long. 

With every drag the pain came back. Not at hard as before but clearly there. Noticeable that he couldn't enjoy anything. 

Also every rub on his entrance felt straight up uncomfortable and finally Donghyuck decided that it wasn't because he wasn't used to this. 

One thrust more and he told his boyfriend to stop. He couldn't take this anymore. Just another thing he had always thought of as wonderful, what he really couldn't stand to wait for shattered. The images in his head just weren't reality and he had to realize the hard way again. 

In retrospective he was kind of glad it was their last night together, because Donghyuck's whole being felt shattered afterwards. He couldn't touch himself anymore, couldn't look at his naked body anymore without thinking that something must be wrong with him. 

If that would be sex and kissing then he didn't want any of this. 

It took him one month to figure out again how to make himself feel good, but it took him two years for most of his insecurities that came with his first sexual encounter to fade.

Two years before he even considered kissing another person again. 

It was on a night out clubbing, that he decided to try again. A decision made to finally bring clarity, whether kisses were just not his thing or had his first boyfriend just been a bad kisser. 

It didn't took long to actually find someone to kiss, he actually thought it would be harder, but just some quick occasional glances and before he knew it, he was dancing with someone. Their hands on his hip, pulling him closer slowly. A long, lasting eye contact before the other leaned down and pushed their lips together.

And in the first moment it wasn't at all like he remembered. The others lips were soft, parting his own before a tongue licked over Donghyuck's lips, which left him a little shocked.

It was this moment the other used to turn his head to slot their lips back together at a different angle. And it really was better than kisses he had experienced before. The others tongue was more gentle, while mapping out his mouth, but leaving Donghyuck opportunities to do the same. The kiss itself not as wet that Donghyuck felt like in a washing machine. 

But still it was nothing Donghyuck could lose himself in or a kiss that took his breath away, it was nothing like that. It was just warm, but not a good warm that would spread around in his body. It was hard, but more like their teeth pressing against each others and their lips being the only cushions.

It wasn't exactly uncomfortable but not really comfortable too. Especially the beard stubble that were scratching his lips with every movement, made Donghyuck wanting to pull back. 

When they finally parted, Donghyuck left. Maybe it was a bitch move, but the only thing he cared about that night was finding out if he liked kissing at all. It was a club after all, no one knew him here, he had nothing to ruin.

So he went on. Kissed another guy that was probably too drunk to remember anything at all in the end and figured, that maybe he liked soft kisses more. Soft kisses with no tongue involved.

And maybe that was just fine. Maybe he would find someone who was alright with that. Maybe he would find someone that didn't like it as well when someone shoved his tongue down your throat. Maybe he wasn't alone with not liking kisses. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You made it!
> 
> If you leave a comment if would make me very happy. ;-)


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